Pegasus Galaxy Survival Guide
by head.chantal
Summary: Congratulations on your assignment to Atlantis. Here are some helpful tips which I learnt the hard way that should make your stay easier/longer. Good luck, Brigadier General John Sheppard. Ex-claimer on profile. Please review.


1\. Marines if annoyed may make your life living hell but the scientists will make it unbearable. _Trust me no hot water/heating isn't fun._

2\. Remember out here we're the aliens. _I strongly advise you not to show disrespect/disgust towards local's customs it can lead to all sorts of trouble and pain._

3\. Trying to escape the infirmary is pointless. _Your only reward is the big needles._

4\. We never leave a man behind.

5\. Remember nothing stays secret around here for long. _Gossip is practically our local religion._

6\. Never make assumptions. _I've lost count the amount of times we've gone to a planet that's supposed to be uninhabited only to wind up being attacked by irate natives/wraith/genii._

7\. Don't upset Apollo/Daedalus crews (or whatever ship you have now) as they're the ones responsible for delivering supplies. _If you do upset them, you'll probably still get your supplies just not in the condition you would've liked._

8\. Remember that women on Atlantis talk during girl's poker night. _Upsetting one will inevitably end up in upsetting them all. Marines & Scientists are deadly when they conspire with each other._

9\. Don't taunt Murphy. _It's an excellent way to ensure a mission goes south fast._

10\. Do not even think the phrases 'how bad can it be', 'what could possibly go wrong' or 'how can this get any worse'. _Because Pegasus will rise to the challenge every time._

11\. Each team (/pilot) has their own jumper, best to ask permission before entering it. _Otherwise it can turn nasty rather quickly._

12\. If you're ATA + be careful what you touch. _There's been countless incidents some humorous but mostly dangerous because of careless gene carriers. For evidence see Dr McKay's list._

13\. Basic weapons training is essential. _Knowing some basic combat is also helpful, marines are always willing to help with this._

14\. If you don't know how to swim, learn fast. _Need I say it you've been assigned to a floating city._

15\. Volunteering for things off world isn't a good idea. _There's been a few expedition members' unwittingly married._

16\. Don't trade weapons or leave them off world. _I can't stress enough how annoying it gets being shot at by your own weapons._

17\. Always have a plan B, as plan A usually fails, _a plan C is advisable._

18\. We don't take Alcohol off world only bring it back (via trade agreement). _If you want to know why ask any of the original SG1 members._

19\. Diplomacy almost never hurt anyone. _Honestly it's probably best to give it a go._

20\. Crazy ideas are usually the one's that save the day. _For evidence see Brigadier General Lorne's list which contains idea's from Atlantis & the SGC, It's a good read. _

21\. Nothing is idiot proof.

22\. Always listen to the locals their myths/legends came from somewhere. _We've stumbled across some rather scary/dangerous creatures over the years because we failed to do this._

23\. Using the gate for anything other than visiting other planets will just give everyone a head ache & create way too much paperwork. _By that I mean time travel & visiting alternate realities. _

24\. Remember appearances can be deceptive. _I've lost count of the times a bunch of seemingly friendly bunch of natives have turned out to be anything but. Genii for example._

25\. Listen when people shout duck, & don't shout duck unless people need to. _Needless to say we all know the story about the boy who cried wolf._

26\. When off world always keep a close eye on your gear. _I direct you back to my comment about tip 16._

27\. Don't try to out drink the locals. _Many have tried & ended up in the infirmary. _

28\. Don't trust the wraith, apart from Todd.

39\. If their armed don't try & be smart/cute or mock them. _The result isn't pretty: I have the scars to prove it._

30\. Always respect your team. _They're the ones who'll have your back if things go pear shaped._

31\. Never mess with a scientist's coffee if you want to live. _Probably a good idea to stay clear of Marine's coffee to._

32\. If you think you're being watched, you probably are. _& it's generally not a good thing. _

33\. Befriend the cooks. _Need I say more._

34\. Never turn up late for duty. _The person your relieving won't be happy & will find a way to pay you back._

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35\. Take chocolate off world, it's useful for bribing children. _This is particularly important if you're visiting M7G-677 which is full of children. Chocolate is also useful for_ _bribing your geek (scientist) especially when trying to drag them away from something their interested_ _in._

36\. Never break a promise you've made with Todd. _It's how we gained his trust in the first place. For more details read the file, it's not something I like to talk about._

37\. Don't attempt to bribe the medical staff. _If it didn't work for me & I'm the military commander it won't work for you, they treat it the same as tip 3._

38\. If your military i suggest you befriend some geeks, as they are the one's with the distilleries _. Your military commander will know where to obtain the moonshine._

39\. If you stumble across an illegal still please contact the military commander. _Who will then sample the product to make sure it's good quality & not rocket fuel, in which case their'll pretend they never knew about it. _

leaders learn what makes your geek tick _. Chances are you'll be the only one they listen to._

41\. Unfortunately paperwork has to be done _. Procrastinating about it will only annoy the expedition leader._

42\. Keep paperwork concise without omitting vital information. _After all your senior office generally wants to read it about as much as you want to write it._

43\. Departmental meetings are mandatory. _They're a good place to catch up (with gossip) & generally to share thoughts/complaints._

44\. Always assume wildlife is hostile despite it's cute/cuddly status. _Think baby tigers._

45\. All bets go through the chief gate technician.

46\. Don't invite uninvited guests to Atlantis take them to the alpha site. _Reasons can be found in the Lucius file or alternatively known as the pheromone pedaling shyster file._

47\. Please be considerate in the corridors outside crew quarters. **_People on night shifts, will be sleeping during the day._**

48\. It takes a lot of bullets to kill a wraith. _I mean a lot._

59\. C4 is not to be traded off world, the results aren't pretty. _That's not just what the natives can do with it. Lt Colonel Cadman isn't pleasant when annoyed._

50\. Don't set fires inside, the amount of water the sprinklers produce isn't funny. _Nor is the sound of the fire alarm._

51\. During unscheduled off world activation's only heavily armed security personnel are allowed in the gate room. _Unless you have a death wish._

52\. Turn electrical items such as lights & plugs off once you're finished with them. _The ZPM isn't an unlimited power supply & you certainly don't want to caught by Dr McKay. Let's learn from our mistakes on Earth guys. _

53\. Girls poker night is for girls only. _You will receive no sympathy from Dr Beckett should you disregard this rule._

54\. Scientists please inform everyone at least an hour prior to doing anything with the cities power & give an all clear message once your done. _For warned is for armed._

55\. Don't use the transporters while the geeks are messing with the power. _Chances are you'll end somewhere miles away from where you wanted._

56\. Always expected the unexpected. _Remember out here anything can & probably will happen. Kinda like Eureka. _

57\. Just because it happened to the SGC/an SG doesn't mean it won't happen here. _For example see file on replicators._

58\. If the cities veteran's tell you something listen. _We've been here long enough to know what we're talking about (most of the time)._

59\. Pulling pranks is fine, **just not when the IOA are visiting.**

60\. Scientist's ATA gene carriers **are not** human guinea pigs. _It's seriously annoying being asked to switch things on all the time._

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 **Just some light-hearted fun because I was bored, will get updated as & when i have new idea's. **

**Please review & if you have any idea's please let me know.**


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